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And the beep goes on...

BEEP BEEP BEEP - my beloved Bliss must get ready for work; I roll over
Later... the phone rings, the machine gets it "Please leave a message..."
BEEP - a voice, too low to hear from the other room, but sweetly familiar - BEEP

Later still...
BEEP BEEP BEEP - the alarm tries to ensure I don't sleep the day away
I rebel, hit snooze, but
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP - a truck backs into a drive nearby, someone is having cable installed, repaired, removed...
BEEP BEEP BEEP - the alarm is persistent, I relent
BEEP - voices
the oldest, two days ago, phone tag is fun! -
BEEP - Mom, yesterday morning; I think Milady called her back then
BEEP Mom yesterday afternoon; we talked last night (I have to remember to clear these messages)
BEEP - My Bliss, safe at work; I smile, I must. Time for breakfast.
BEEP BEEP BEEP - apparently I hit snooze as I arose but left the alarm activated

A bit later
BEEP BEEP - someone in the driveway seems to require my attention ...
Apparently, according to this, GRRM is not Gareth's bitch!

Am I to infer that he's also not my bitch?
There once was a man from Vance county
Who left as if fleeing a bounty
Though no one once said
"Bring me that bastard's head"
He refused to return "lest they mount me"

May. 12th, 2009

How many Evening's With Kevin Smith are too much in one week?
There is little so annoying as a relaxing shower before bed turned unexpectedly refreshing.
Ugh. The heat seems to have finally broken for good and I can't enjoy it. I've had a sore throat and chills since Tuesday. My head hurts, my muscles ache and I want my Wifey! I can't focus on projects in desperate need of attention. I can't concentrate enough to play Madden. Everything I would watch on TV I want to watch with Bliss. I sleep often and feel rested not at all. Tomorrow night can't come soon enough

Aug. 11th, 2008

It's been a while since I've successfully put pen to paper, or more accurately, fingertip to keyboard, for anything more than a quick email or a few instant messages.Collapse )

Post Script - Anyone remember "Rock Me" by Great White? The video is on VH1 Classic now and I swear one day I'm going to mash up the album version with parts of this video and footage of an exotic dancer or two. I've never heard a song chopped and remixed so horribly (with the possible exception of "Cemetary Gates" - but they only left out the first verse in that video. Here they changed the arrangement and used outtakes with alternate lyrics. It wouldn't do for me to find those responsible).
I hate cold weather. I hate colds. I hate weathering cold weather whilst weathering a cold.

Mar. 2nd, 2006

Married life is a far greater thing than most people can imagine.

Jan. 31st, 2006

Wow. I have to say, for the record, that the last two evenings have been incredible. After a couple of bumpy weeks when our little vows ceremony turned into something more resembling a traditional wedding (i.e. a vows ceremony with music, a post wedding celebratory lunch and a monkey suit for me) it was a much needed break. Thank you, Stickybuns! Spending time with my lovely Bliss, with no distrations but those we choose, has been amazing! Here's hoping for a simple night of cuddling and silly movie viewing tonight.

In other news my 12 year old daughter spent the night with some friends recently and played Arbor Mist quarter toss with them and one of their fathers. It apparently didn't go well and she spent the next morning cleaning the stains she'd made on their carpet. I had to turn that one over to the authorities because I don't need a violent offense on my record.

My 15 year old decided he wants to attend Harvard Law School. When he and his brother asked me to take them to see Korn and Mudvayne, I agreed on the condition that they both make the A-B honor roll. My 14 year old agreed. Of course he's the one who has known for years that he wants to be a chef and has a pretty good plan laid out for his post-high school career. If he can stop doing silly shit, like accepting firecrackers at school from friends, he's got a good shot.

B, on the other hand, got all sulky and silent. I asked him if he thought the concert was worth the effort he'd have to make; he said no. With that kind of commitment Harvard will be a piece of cake!

On the bright side, my lovely bride-to-be and I will be spending a few hours with my youngest two this weekend. I can't wait. I just know they're going to love her as my oldest three do.

Whoa. That's almost a real update.

Inability to concentrate is as much responsible for my absence here as laziness. I can barely string together two sentences these days. Much going on; much reflection. Blah, blah, blah...
I hate, and cannot help but feed it
I fear, and dare not speak aloud
I seethe, and cry inside for vengeance
Mere justice will never satisfy
I loathe, my stomache turns and tumbles
I hurt, and know I ever will
This knowledge, never, now will leave me
I hope no more
no more

Sep. 24th, 2005

Show me how it ends it's alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
Satisfied and empty inside...
Can't sleep. Afraid the phone will ring. I should not have taken this job. I should have listened to milady. I should have waited a few more hours.

Jul. 11th, 2005

I'm losing it. The end of last week was a whirlwind of interviews. There are three potential jobs on the horizon. One I don't want but will take because I need a job. I've had three interviews for it and now they've called three times today and left me a "Call at your earliest convenience" message. I'm fairly certain they are calling to offer me the job. I haven't called back. A second I do want and for which I've had two interviews and taken a series of tests. A third I interview for tomorrow which I know little about but am certain I want more than job number one. The problem is that I've been without work for 8 months and I can't afford to pass up any opportunity. Sigh. Grrrrr. Whine. I'm so stressed!
I hurt and I cannot rest. She reached out across the miles and soothed me, eased my pain. I relaxed and was overtaken by sleep. But the pain returned and woke me. And sleep retreats and eludes me. Such a minor malady to hurt so intensely. Even so I would normally be able to sleep again. Perhaps circumstance has prevailed and driven the sleep from me.

I just want to close my eyes and drift for a few hours.

Jun. 29th, 2005

Wonderful dinner tonight with my lady, my best friend and his wife. Good food, good conversation, a good first meeting. xjenavivex was lovelier than usual in one of my favorite skirtt/ blouse combinations.

Pain, frustration with the kids and fear of tomorrow's bankruptcy consultation reign for the moment.

Jun. 19th, 2005

Lines from songs on my Launch station; anyone know any of them?

1. All the laughter and the lies can’t stay the fear or hide the pain
2. When moonlight takes the sky, you'll feel my dark romance
3. I had a dream I was your hero
4. Now I hate your ways 'cause they're just like mine
5. And now my bitter hands bleed on broken glass
6. And we always say it would be good to go away, someday
7. She finds love in all the wrong places; the same situations, just different faces
8. I'm endlessly caving in and turning inside out
9. Praying to heroes they will never see again
10. Our lives have come between us

Jun. 19th, 2005

So I find out tomorrow whether I still have my new job. Thursday the supervisor came to me and told me to take Friday off and call him Monday morning. They're considering rotating someone into the position internally since they have an extra body. I was flabbergasted. Monday morning the president of the company, who I interviewed with on my second interview, told me he was looking forward to talking with me in a couple of weeks and hearing any suggestions I had on improving warehouse efficiency. Suddenly they may not need me at all?

Oh well. For now I'm in wait and see mode.

I really hate life sometimes.
I hurt all over and I'm oh so tired...

But I'm grateful to finally have a job!
The search for gainful employment continues. Last felt the most productive since I lost the old gig, though I still don't have any offers anywhere. My three oldest kids are here for the summer; I haven't seen my youngest two in just about a month. My lovely xjenavivex continues to be a source of strength, comfort and inspiration. Her suggestions led me to my best prospects last week.

Yesterday we hung out like a family for a bit milady brought her son over to spend some time with me and my oldest three. It was a fun day, though I think her six year old wore my teenagers out :)

I'd like to post more, but my brain doesn't seem capable of coherent thought when I sit at a keyboard these days. It's been like this for months. I can only focus for small chunks of time. At night before bed I can focus well enough to read for five minutes, but not much more. I require much more sleep than I ever have and never seem to be rested. I have no physical energy whatsoever. I'm fat and out of shape but lack the motivation to do anything about it. I HAVE to quit smoking. It's already taking a very noticeable toll on my health. But I'm afraid to. I'm already an edgy asshole at least a couple of hours a day. I'd be a total Mr. Hyde if I quit. But if I don't, everything else is going to suffer; lots of things already do.

Grrrr, ramble, whine.


Up and down and up and down
The moody bastard goes

My oldest and I hooked up two electric guitars tonight and jammed a bit. That was fun. I had him help me bounce around some song ideas that persist but won't completely form. Then his gf called. He took the call in another room and my oldest daughter came in and asked about things I'd written. I played her some of my cheesy eighties riffs.

Earlier, whilst talking with my lovely lady, I was inspired to write a bit more on my Great American Nightmare, er Novel. This thing floats around in my head and taunts me. I started it months ago and have one page written. Well, one and a quarter after today.

I seem destined to never finish anything.